The D-word

No, it's not a traditional D-word I want to discuss. I want to talk about:

Disappointment.


It can be used in so many different ways and contexts. Yet, I wonder if it's one of the most under-appreciated words in common use.
Just think about the power this word can have.

We all know that feeling: You're a young child/teenager and you do something wrong. The worst thing is not to have your parents shout and reprimand you, but to say those fateful words: "I'm not angry, just disappointed". 


Why does this, as opposed to being grounded for a year, have more of an affect on our younger selves? At first I thought this was an age-related issue that I would need to consult my child Psychology books about. And whilst the explanation may indeed be found in the likes of Freud or Jung, when I begin to think about it I realised the word remains influential throughout life.

Let's give a career-related example. Throughout one's adult life, most people try to reach their full potential. Do we do this for self-satisfaction? Of course. Is it because, inevitably success=promotion=money? Sure. And do we strive to do well so that when it comes round to our annual update at Christmas, we can proudly tell our families of all our achievements? Of course! It's not necessary to do with pride in the negative sense. A lot of decisions one makes are down to whether or not they will gain approval from certain people, and avoid facing that dread D-word. It's a social pressure that actually affects almost all of our lives.

I can actually give an example of spiritual disappointment, but save the emotional tantrum that would ensue I'd best avoid it.

Let's think about a different situation. Women, once they reach a certain age are expected to feel the biological clock start ticking and plan to start a family. Whilst this has begun to change in recent years, I expect that many woman who have not had a child by the age of 35, often get asked questions about this. I know this was the case for my aunt who, for whatever reason, did not have my cousin until she was 36. And it was my Grandparents who were among those asking why. Whilst they already had two Granddaughters, it was no secret that they wished for a Grandson. The sense of disappointment they felt became more and more obvious as years went on.

(Perhaps) Luckily enough, in this case my Grandparents got their wish.

But can this feeling of disappointment (which is not actually your own emotion, but someone else's) actually challenge and change positions that you yourself hold? What if I were in my aunts position and actually I had made a choice not to have children? Would the social pressure coming from not only my own family, but wider society (and the 'bribery' of extra cash from the government) push me to a decision I didn't originally choose? It's an interesting question.

Disappointment is obviously completely tied into social expectations and this is culturally-dependent. There are numerous examples I can think of, but will not burden this post with, where someone can make a decision which disappoints their community. The idea that a whole group of people that may not even know you can actually influence the path you take in life one which scares me!

Religiously, this is happening all the time. The use of guilt to influence members of a religious group is far from uncommon. Here community disappointment can be used to absolute maximum and can result in some kind of spiritual bullying. I don't feel able to go into this too much without either A. offending someone or B. just talking complete rubbish which pops into my head, so I will leave it there. Perhaps I can simply ask more questions which readers can comment on:
When do religious expectations become religious bullying?
When does personal disappointment felt in another escalate into threatening behaviour?
Do parents realise the Psychology affect they can have on their child by telling them 'I am disappointed in you'? Is it right to use this as a method of discipline?

Anyway, intellectual yackity smackity over. I'm off to my aunts tomorrow to begin my Christmas break. I will update on Saturday (hopefully).

Escaping essays, cheeky taxi's and bopping at Christmas

Once again another topic has been more prominent to write about then what I had planned. Never mind, I'm really excited to tell you all about my day yesterday. It was almost like a treasure hunt. I started the day with a notepad and my purse, and ended the day with a random selection of goodies.

After lecture, St. Mary's College Society had their final college service and lunch of 2011. Every time anyone says to me 'See you in 2012' I get surprised because this is the year I graduate. This is the year I have waited for for such a long time, and now it is nearly upon me...I want time to slow right down. I cannot face the thought I might not have the opportunity to waste a day doing fun things like I did yesterday. Anyway, during this lunch it came to my attention that there were Free Books being given away. I absolutely love books and probably have over 100 to my name. Here is a selection of the ones I managed to nab:

FREEBIE WIN 1.

After raiding the books, R and I went to a friends to help him with an essay. To be honest, neither of us could remember much about Kierkegaard's "Parable of the King and Maiden" but hopefully we were somewhat helpful. Another giveaway had come to our attention, but this time it was Stationary. Excited like the stationary geeks we are, we arrived to find not pens, mugs and key rings with the University emblem , but folders, assorted mugs and dividers. However, the most excited find was this old-school radio-cassette which will now sit proudly in my kitchen:

FREEBIE WIN 2.

 The wind was once again causing havoc, so instead of returning to our houses, we went for coffee at Mitchells Deli. It was lovely, and R's hot chocolate looked too delicious to eat!

To continue with our beverage-themed day, we then met the rest of St. Mary's committee at the West Port which I highly recommend for it's chips and cocktails (classic student combo). By this point the weather was not acceptable to walk home in, especially with my precious radio. Thus we took our first taxi of the day back to R's.

**Brief chilaxing**


Our presence was required back in town for ... wait for it.... FREEBIE WIN 3. Yes, we were off to get some free mulled wine and mince pies. Weather was still bad so another taxi was required. When we arrived, I fancied some Ginger Beer and much amusement was caused with the comical glass 'Ginger Joes' is poured into:

Tuesday evening used to be the notorious for the 'free bop'. Unfortunately this has been cancelled in recent years, until last night when the Christmas Bop was back with full force! .... Or so we hoped. As the following pictures will show, the event was pretty dead until we left at 11:30. The DJ's did not respond to our requests of "complete cheese, please"; "Christmas songs"; "As much 90's cheese as you have, you know like a cheese board", etc. The insistence on a techno/modern club boom-fest was so unlike the Bop of old, and pretty disappointing for the five of us.

Eventually we called it a night, but not before R and I got taxi number 3 back to hers, and proceeded to stay up listening to music and chatting until around 4am.

As I said, I will miss the opportunities to spend my day moving from coffee shop, to bar, to club, and then staying up all night just for the sake of it. HOWEVER I still have 6months left. 6months to enjoy my life as student to the absolute max, and maybe worry about my dissertation when I can find a gap in my social life, rather then the other way round.

BRING ON 2012! 

Theology

I was going to write this post on the current modules I am taking. However, I thought I would give some background as to why I made this bizarre degree choice. 

You won't be expecting the next bit:

I was raised an Atheist. I know, strange right? But indeed I was and I went to what could only be described as an unreligious school, with very few students with faith attending it. In fact, as I normally tell people somewhat jokingly, I had never met a Christian before I came to St. Andrews. The extent to which this is true, I am not sure. I can only tell you that frankly it was the thing furthest from mine, or any of my friends minds while we were growing up. 

Now the place I grew up in has a bit of a reputation. Maybe I won't out it and myself just yet but I'll simply describe our stereotype and leave you wondering. Alcohol, promiscuity and plotting ways to break free of our nightmare-ish school was how students spent their days. Lessons were always on the brink of disruption and whether the teachers ever completed their lesson plans...I would highly doubt it. Even those of us who spent some of our time focusing on school work had a year rejecting any kind of education in place of cigarettes and cheeky mannerisms. Unfortunately, being 'middle of the road' there was never much concern about what you were up to and whether or not you could get that A grade if you were given a bit more support. The lesson-destroyers and A* students received saint-like attention whilst everyone was kind of just left to get on with it. 

Perhaps I am over-exaggerating. It is possible since I left school nearly six years ago now. However, I believe that school should be a place that encourages all of its students to reach their absolute potential and does not accept the loss of an A grade for a B. I know I would have got an A in English Literature (and not just in English Language) if we had been put into appropriate sets for English. But no, they saw that if those less able (they weren't they just couldn't be bothered) were given examples by the brightest students, the grades of the school might improve. I wonder how many of those in my class managed a C?

**The majority of people in my year received a C grade, but 44 students received less then that**

Not acceptable in my opinion. In the same way I narrowly missed my A, some students narrowly missed their C and probably messed up their chances for further education and job opportunities. 

Oh, wait. I realise I have got completely distracted from my original topic. Don't worry, the next bit is the most exciting but it will be quick.

So I left school at 16, with better then average grades for my school. I went to college in Cambridge and studied Health and Social Care with the hope of eventually doing Psychology at University and becoming a Child Psychologist. 

No one thought I could get into St. Andrews. Not me, not my parents. Maybe bar one person. He believed in me from the very beginning and it is undoubtedly because of him that I made it this far. I don't think he'll ever realise the impact he had on my life, but I hope that he has continued to have this impact on everyone he meets. 

But I did get in. I got the chance to come and study at the most beautiful place I have ever been in this world and WOW, did my life change. 

Firstly, I met R and I think we both agree that God brought us together. Without her chatting about Theology, without her teaching me about what Christianity actually meant and most importantly never attempting to take me to Church or convert me, I would have remained unhappily studying Psychology. So in second semester of my first year, I took a module called 'Church History: Ritual and Politics'. 

What happened next:

Loved the module.

God waved at me but I ignored him for a bit

Finally I started going to Church and had my complete metanoia moment when I took an ecumenical communion in September 2009. 

I am proud of myself. I know it's a weird thing to say, but if you knew me before you would understand. I was so closed minded that I was rude and obnoxious to anyone who had a spiritual faith. This part of me has been extinguished by God's light and everyday I thank Him for bringing me to this beautiful town and giving me such fantastic friends. 

Flatmates

One of the joys and pains of being a student is that you sometimes have to share living space with people you don't know. This year I moved back into halls of residence and I am currently sharing a flat with five other girls, only one of whom I knew previously.
Now if you can imagine what six friends might be like living together, then you might be able to figure out that this arrangement isn't exactly ideal. Unfortunately when six of us that knew each other applied last year, only two of us got in. *Shakes fist at accommodation services*

At first things seemed to be going well. One girl is barely here and there others were all friends and flatmates last year. However, over time cracks began to appear and the small things become incredibly annoying. For example, two of the girl let's call them N and I, NEVER remember their keys. This means that at any random time of the day, when you're in the middle of cooking, just getting out of the shower, etc., the doorbell could go and will continue to go until someone lets N or I in. Why can't you just remember your keys like the rest of us?!

See, last year it was just me and R and this worked perfectly. She had her routine and I had mine and we kind of just fitted into each others lives without too much disruption. Now, the nocturnal flatmates wake me up at night and then moan when I do anything remotely noisy (one example when I was asked not to hoover before midday!) during the daytime. Essentially all this is just telling me that unless R and I can find somewhere to live together next year, I will be better off living alone.

Becoming a blogger

Hey, so welcome to my blog. I doubt I'm going to be very good at this but we'll see how it goes.

Just a few things to start with that you might be curious about (and can't be bothered to check the 'About Me' section):

• I'm a student studying Theology at the University of St. Andrews
• I'm in my final year YEY. 
• The name of my Blog came from the Christmas present my best friend gave me [See photo below] 
• As a warning I am Dyslexic so please excuse poor spelling and grammar. I will try very hard not to get things wrong, but will inevitably do so
• I may use this blog to rant about certain elements of my life which include politics and religion but these are my own ramblings which should not be taken as offence by anyone. 

It seems that writing about yourself isn't really that difficult. But maybe when I feel like I should update this every week it will become draining. 

Actually my first topic has just popped into my head, so I'll finish this one and work on that instead of doing my Uni work. 

Image from: http://bit.ly/uuZPAL