The D-word

No, it's not a traditional D-word I want to discuss. I want to talk about:

Disappointment.


It can be used in so many different ways and contexts. Yet, I wonder if it's one of the most under-appreciated words in common use.
Just think about the power this word can have.

We all know that feeling: You're a young child/teenager and you do something wrong. The worst thing is not to have your parents shout and reprimand you, but to say those fateful words: "I'm not angry, just disappointed". 


Why does this, as opposed to being grounded for a year, have more of an affect on our younger selves? At first I thought this was an age-related issue that I would need to consult my child Psychology books about. And whilst the explanation may indeed be found in the likes of Freud or Jung, when I begin to think about it I realised the word remains influential throughout life.

Let's give a career-related example. Throughout one's adult life, most people try to reach their full potential. Do we do this for self-satisfaction? Of course. Is it because, inevitably success=promotion=money? Sure. And do we strive to do well so that when it comes round to our annual update at Christmas, we can proudly tell our families of all our achievements? Of course! It's not necessary to do with pride in the negative sense. A lot of decisions one makes are down to whether or not they will gain approval from certain people, and avoid facing that dread D-word. It's a social pressure that actually affects almost all of our lives.

I can actually give an example of spiritual disappointment, but save the emotional tantrum that would ensue I'd best avoid it.

Let's think about a different situation. Women, once they reach a certain age are expected to feel the biological clock start ticking and plan to start a family. Whilst this has begun to change in recent years, I expect that many woman who have not had a child by the age of 35, often get asked questions about this. I know this was the case for my aunt who, for whatever reason, did not have my cousin until she was 36. And it was my Grandparents who were among those asking why. Whilst they already had two Granddaughters, it was no secret that they wished for a Grandson. The sense of disappointment they felt became more and more obvious as years went on.

(Perhaps) Luckily enough, in this case my Grandparents got their wish.

But can this feeling of disappointment (which is not actually your own emotion, but someone else's) actually challenge and change positions that you yourself hold? What if I were in my aunts position and actually I had made a choice not to have children? Would the social pressure coming from not only my own family, but wider society (and the 'bribery' of extra cash from the government) push me to a decision I didn't originally choose? It's an interesting question.

Disappointment is obviously completely tied into social expectations and this is culturally-dependent. There are numerous examples I can think of, but will not burden this post with, where someone can make a decision which disappoints their community. The idea that a whole group of people that may not even know you can actually influence the path you take in life one which scares me!

Religiously, this is happening all the time. The use of guilt to influence members of a religious group is far from uncommon. Here community disappointment can be used to absolute maximum and can result in some kind of spiritual bullying. I don't feel able to go into this too much without either A. offending someone or B. just talking complete rubbish which pops into my head, so I will leave it there. Perhaps I can simply ask more questions which readers can comment on:
When do religious expectations become religious bullying?
When does personal disappointment felt in another escalate into threatening behaviour?
Do parents realise the Psychology affect they can have on their child by telling them 'I am disappointed in you'? Is it right to use this as a method of discipline?

Anyway, intellectual yackity smackity over. I'm off to my aunts tomorrow to begin my Christmas break. I will update on Saturday (hopefully).